Everybody is Kung Fu Fighting, While I Started a Farm
Chapter 55: The Bottle Gourd Brothers!

Chapter 55: The Bottle Gourd Brothers!

The sun was rising from the east. In his yard, Jiang He was holding a shovel, kicking away Dumbo who came to offer his services and humming a tune as he started digging.

“Dig a hole and bury it, counting one-two-three-four-five... My soil, my land, everything planted here is awesome!”

After making a small hole, Jiang He threw in the walnut seed that was the size of an adult’s fist. Then, when he turned on his System Shop to redeem a nitrogen fertilizer, his eyes s.h.i.+fted when he noticed that there were more items available now.

[Phosphoric fertilizer: 100 farm points for one pellet.]

[Pota.s.sium fertilizer: 100 farm points for one pellet.]

[Composite fertilizer: 300 farm points for one pellet.]

[Mysterious Soil: 5,000 farm points for one bag.]

“Screw me... five thousand farm points for one bag? Why is the Mysterious Soil so expensive?” Jiang He was stunned, but calmed down when he remembered what the Mysterious Soil did.

It was not expensive. Not expensive at all!

That stuff strengthened crops, as evident with his Strengthened Nine Yang Technique, Three-Tailed Demon Cat, and Strengthened Pea Bombs. Glancing at the System, however, Jiang He realized that he only had around 1,000 farm points left, a far cry from 5,000.

‘Perhaps I could delay planting my next cultivation manual. It won’t be too late even if I wait until I’ve gathered five thousand farm points.’

With that thought, Jiang He exchanged his points for a composite fertilizer from the System Shop. It was not too different from the nitrogen fertilizer in appearance, being fist-sized and crystalline.

[Composite fertilizer]

[Effect: Rich with various nutrients, adjusts the soil and the environment whilst promoting rapid growth of crops and increasing yield.]

It was an average introduction, and Jiang He did not study it further either. After all, with the composite fertilizer being worth 300 farm points per pellet and the nitrogen fertilizer being worth 100 farm points per pellet, there must be a reason for the difference in price.

Burying the composite fertilizer inside the hole with the walnut seed, Jiang He then gingerly took out... the bottle gourd seed.

“I worry too much. It’s just a bottle gourd seed. There’s no way the Bottle Gourd Brothers (1) would grow here!”

Digging another hole, Jiang He redeemed another composite fertilizer and planted it with the bottle gourd seed. Even though he had only just planted them, the walnut seed was already sprouting. A raw, green shoot had grown out the groud and was growing a visible speed.

Jiang He stared at the walnut sprout as a familiar rhythm rang beside his ears. He sang along by reflex, “Bottle Gourd Brothers, Bottle Gourd Brothers... Seven melons over a single vine! Fearing neither wind nor sleet nor snow... lalalalalala... Eh? Where did that music come from?”

Jiang He’s eyes widened when he realized what had happened, and promptly turned to look at the spot where the bottle gourd seed was buried. He found a bottle gourd vine growing rapidly out of the ground, unsupported by wooden frames, and somehow hovering in the air on its own.

Most bizarrely, the leaves of the vines were dancing along with the wind and jingling in a musical tune.

What the h.e.l.l!

Jiang He felt his scalp numbing as the outlook of his existence was completely turned on itself.

What was going on?

This was a farm, where there was soil and earth. The old saying ‘you reap what you sow’ was most fitting here, because he got a cleaver when he planted it, and though it went beyond common sense, there was no change in species.

As for the bottle gourd vine...

Jiang He stared intently at it, and only breathed a long sigh of relief after it began to blossom with seven differently colored flowers, which eventually turned into seven bottle gourds. It was fortunate that he reaped seven bottle gourds and not seven Bottle Gourd Brothers, or he would have lost his mind.

He was only in his twenties and had yet to marry—what if there really were seven kids running around every day, calling him gramps from behind?

Soon, the seven small bottle gourds stopped growing. They were quite curious, with each of them bearing a different hue of a rainbow. Jiang He reached out and plucked off the red bottle gourd.

[Ding!]

[+100 Farm Points]

The System notification echoed in his head.

Jiang He stared at the bottle gourd in his hand, and a line of data appeared before his eyes.

[Eldest Brother]

“Wait a minute!” Jiang He eyes narrowed and he did not bother to check the item’s effects as he muttered, “This is clearly a bottle gourd. Why would the data display its name as ‘Eldest Brother’?”

Something was not right here!

Seven bottle gourds, each having a different color...

Did that not match the Bottle Gourd Brothers?

Mustering his courage, Jiang He glanced at the bottle gourd in his hands again.

[Eldest Brother]

[Immeasurable strength, capable of turning into a giant.]

[Usage: Blow to use.]

[Gentle reminder: Remember to charge before use. Put it under the sun to charge.]

Jiang He felt like he was losing his mind. Nonetheless, he blew at the red bottle gourd in his hand as the data instructed—

Bang!

Red smoke burst out of the bottle gourd and landed on the ground, where it transformed into a fat child wearing a red dudou(2). He looked to be around seven or eight years old, and had a small hair knot which was decorated with an ornament in the shape of a small bottle gourd.

His cheeks were plump and well-rounded with a faint redness, while his eyes were black and large, and adorned by little brows shaped like crescent moons. The kid was so cute that he looked like he was made out of porcelain.

Still, those big, black eyes... looked a little dumb?

The kid skipped around on the ground, sucking on his thumb as he smiled and greeted Jiang He, “Gramps...”

d.a.m.n it!

Jiang He felt like his head was about to explode. He swung his leg at the little one, kicking him several meters away, sending him bouncing and rolling.

Even so, the kid was absolutely fine. He simply leapt to his feet and dumbly called out to Jiang He again, “Gramps.”

‘No! No b.l.o.o.d.y way!!!’

Jiang He clutched his chest, but before he could speak, Eldest Brother had turned towards Dumbo, who had been wagging its tail and studying him.

All at once, Eldest Brother’s presence changed and he yelled, “Hey, demon! Take this!”

Boom!

With a powerful burst from his body, Eldest Brother’s plump body rapidly expanded up to ten feet tall, lifting his feet to stomp on Dumbo.

Yip!

Dumbo turned and ran, yipping. Meanwhile, Jiang He was left gaping...

“This... this kid’s aura is almost the same as the Leopard Python’s!”

Be that as it may, before the kid’s foot landed...

Plop!

The kid who had turned ten-feet tall landed straight down on the ground, turning back into red smoke that returned inside the bottle gourd Jiang He was holding. Jiang He watched as the bottle gourd shrunk by several centimeters, just as the red l.u.s.ter over it dimmed.

“Was... was that it?”

Putting the red bottle gourd under the sun, Jiang He took out a carrot and had a few mouthfuls to quell his shock. “Well, suddenly having a rank-seven grandchild isn’t too bad?”

Still...

He already had grandchildren even before he a.s.serted his dominance.

Moreover, a five hour-charge was needed for a two-minute usage?

***

Translator’s note:

(1) The Bottle Gourd Brothers (or the Calabash Brothers or Hulu Brothers) was a Chinese animation series that was extremely popular when it aired on TV in 1986–1987.

(2) A dudou is a traditional Chinese form of the bodice, originally worn as an unders.h.i.+rt with medicinal properties.