The Works of Lord Byron
Chapter 413 : ECLOGUE THE FIRST._London.--Before the Door of a Lecture Room_._Enter_ TRACY, _meeting

ECLOGUE THE FIRST.

_London.--Before the Door of a Lecture Room_.

_Enter_ TRACY, _meeting_ INKEL.

_Ink_. You're too late.

_Tra_. Is it over?

_Ink_. Nor will be this hour.

But the benches are crammed, like a garden in flower.

With the pride of our belles, who have made it the fas.h.i.+on; So, instead of "beaux arts," we may say "la _belle_ pa.s.sion"

For learning, which lately has taken the lead in The world, and set all the fine gentlemen reading.

_Tra_. I know it too well, and have worn out my patience With studying to study your new publications.

There's Vamp, Scamp, and Mouthy, and Wordswords and Co.[610]

With their d.a.m.nable----

_Ink_. Hold, my good friend, do you know 10 Whom you speak to?

_Tra_. Right well, boy, and so does "the Row:"[611]

You're an author--a poet--

_Ink_. And think you that I Can stand tamely in silence, to hear you decry The Muses?

_Tra_. Excuse me: I meant no offence To the Nine; though the number who make some pretence To their favours is such----but the subject to drop, I am just piping hot from a publisher's shop, (Next door to the pastry-cook's; so that when I Cannot find the new volume I wanted to buy On the bibliopole's shelves, it is only two paces, 20 As one finds every author in one of those places:) Where I just had been skimming a charming critique, So studded with wit, and so sprinkled with Greek!

Where your friend--you know who--has just got such a thres.h.i.+ng, That it is, as the phrase goes, extremely "_refres.h.i.+ng._"[612]

What a beautiful word!

_Ink_. Very true; 'tis so soft And so cooling--they use it a little too oft; And the papers have got it at last--but no matter.

So they've cut up our friend then?

_Tra_. Not left him a tatter-- Not a rag of his present or past reputation, 30 Which they call a disgrace to the age, and the nation.

_Ink_. I'm sorry to hear this! for friends.h.i.+p, you know-- Our poor friend!--but I thought it would terminate so.

Our friends.h.i.+p is such, I'll read nothing to shock it.

You don't happen to have the Review in your pocket?

_Tra_. No; I left a round dozen of authors and others (Very sorry, no doubt, since the cause is a brother's) All scrambling and jostling, like so many imps, And on fire with impatience to get the next glimpse.

_Ink_. Let us join them.

_Tra_. What, won't you return to the lecture? 40

_Ink_. Why the place is so crammed, there's not room for a spectre.

Besides, our friend Scamp is to-day so absurd--[613]

_Tra_. How can you know that till you hear him?

_Ink_. I heard Quite enough; and, to tell you the truth, my retreat Was from his vile nonsense, no less than the heat.

_Tra_. I have had no great loss then?

_Ink_. Loss!--such a palaver!

I'd inoculate sooner my wife with the slaver Of a dog when gone rabid, than listen two hours To the torrent of trash which around him he pours, Pumped up with such effort, disgorged with such labour, 50 That----come--do not make me speak ill of one's neighbour.

_Tra_. _I_ make you!

_Ink_. Yes, you! I said nothing until You compelled me, by speaking the truth----

_Tra_. _To speak ill?_ Is that your deduction?

_Ink_. When speaking of Scamp ill, I certainly _follow, not set_ an example.

The fellow's a fool, an impostor, a zany.

_Tra_. And the crowd of to-day shows that one fool makes many.

But we two will be wise.

_Ink_. Pray, then, let us retire.

_Tra_. I would, but----

_Ink_. There must be attraction much higher Than Scamp, or the Jew's harp he nicknames his lyre, 60 To call you to this hotbed.

_Tra_. I own it--'tis true-- A fair lady----

_Ink_. A spinster?

_Tra_. Miss Lilac.

_Ink_. The Blue!

_Tra_. The heiress! The angel!

_Ink_. The devil! why, man, Pray get out of this hobble as fast as you can.

_You_ wed with Miss Lilac! 'twould be your perdition: She's a poet, a chymist, a mathematician.[614]

_Tra_. I say she's an angel.

_Ink_. Say rather an angle.

If you and she marry, you'll certainly wrangle.

I say she's a Blue, man, as blue as the ether.

_Tra_. And is that any cause for not coming together? 70

_Ink_. Humph! I can't say I know any happy alliance Which has lately sprung up from a wedlock with science.

She's so learned in all things, and fond of concerning Herself in all matters connected with learning, That----