A Select Collection of Old English Plays
Chapter 506 : PUR. O, sir, 'tis too true, too true, too true. O Lord.DRA. And there he call

PUR. O, sir, 'tis too true, too true, too true. O Lord.

DRA. And there he call'd for a pint of sack, as good sack (I'll be pos'd upon all the books that ever opened and shut), as any in all Christendom.

FAU. Body of me, I come and call for sack?

PUR. O, ye did, ye did, ye did. O, O.

JOHN. Well, forward, sirrah.

RICH. Gloster hath done this jest. [_Aside_.

DRA. And you call'd then for sugar, sir, as good sugar and as wholesome, as ever came in any cup of sack: you drank to this man, and you do well, G.o.d be thanked--but he no sooner drank--

PUR. But I, but I, but I--O my head! O my heart!

RICH. I cannot choose but smile at these conceits.

JOHN. I am mad; and yet I must laugh at Fauconbridge: Brother, look how Sir Richard acts his rage!

FAU. I came? I call? the man is like to die, Practice, by the ma.s.s; practice, by the marry G.o.d!

I shall be charg'd here for a poison'd knave, Practice, by th'Lord, practice!--I see it clear.

PUR. And more, Sir Richard. O Lord, O Sir Richard!

FAU. What more? what hast thou more? what practice more?

PUR. O my box, my box, with the king's arms! O my box, O my box! it cost me, O Lord, every penny; O my box!

RICH. And what of your box, sir?

DRA. Marry, sir, it's lost; and 'tis well known my master keeps no thieves in his house; O, there was none but you and he.

FAU. O, then belike thou thinkest I had his box.

PUR. O Sir Richard, I will not; O Lord, I will not charge you for all the world; but--but--but for the warrant the old King sign'd to reprieve the porter of the Fleet! O G.o.d, O G.o.d!

JOHN. The porter of the Fleet? the old King sign'd?--

PUR. Ay, my good lord, ay, ay.

JOHN. Is he reprieved then?

PUR. No, my lord; O, Sir Richard took it from me with his own hand, O!

FAU. Here's a device to bring me in contempt With the old King, that I ever lov'd.

Princes and Sheriff, you can witness with me, That I have been with you this afternoon-- Only with you, with n.o.body but you-- And now a fellow, whom the King would save By a reprieve, this fellow says, is hang'd.

JOHN. If thou hadst done it, I'd have justified it; But, Richard, I conceit this jest already: This mad-mate Skink, this honest merry knave, Meeting this Pursuivant, and hearing tell He had a warrant to reprieve a slave Whom we would hang, stole it away from him.

This is sure the jest; upon my life, it is!

PUR. O, but my warrant, how shall I do? O!

RICH. But look about you, hot-brain'd brother John, And I believe you'll find it otherwise; Gloster hath got the warrant in disguise, And sav'd the fellow you so fain would hang.

JOHN. No, no; how say you, master Sheriff, is he not hang'd?

SHER. My lord, the gibbet was set up by noon In the Old Bailey, and I charg'd my men, If I return not, though it were by torchlight, To see him executed, ere they come.

JOHN. I am greedy to hear news.

FAU. Robb'd of my chain, out-faced I had a sword, Accused of poisoning, cozenage, seeking blood!

Not to be borne! it is intolerable!

RICH. Sir Richard, I prythee, have some patience.

FAU. I'll to Blackheath, talk not of patience; It is intolerable, not to be borne.

JOHN. It is intolerable, not to be borne; A warrant, brother; Fauconbridge, a warrant!

FAU. I saw no warrant; I defy you all.

JOHN. A slave, a pursuivant, one Winterborn.

FAU. I care not for thee that, Winterborn.

PUR. O, it is I, sir; that's my warrant.

JOHN. Is't you? you rogue, you drunkard; ye are cheated, And we are cheated of the prisoner.

Out, dog, dog.

PUR. O, O, O, O my lord.

[_Exit with_ DRAWER.

SHER. Have patience, and we will have a privy search.

JOHN. Go hang, ye blockheads, get ye from my sight!

O, would I were a basilisk, to kill These glear-ey'd villains.

SHER. Come away; let's leave him.

We have a warrant; let him do his worst.

[_Exeunt_ SHERIFF _and_ OFFICERS.

FAU. I'll to Blackheath, I'll to the holy hermit; There shall I know not only these deceivers, But how my wife plays fast and loose with Richard.

Ha! I shall fit them, I shall tickle them; I'll do it, I'll hence, I'll to the heath amain.

[_Exit_.