Jokes Book Collection Novel Chapters
List of most recent chapters published for the Jokes Book Collection novel. A total of 473 chapters have been translated and the release date of the last chapter is Apr 02, 2024
Latest Release: Chapter 1 : PART I.CHAPTER 1.THE EARLY DAYS.Johnny has always reckoned that being born is like comin
PART I.CHAPTER 1.THE EARLY DAYS.Johnny has always reckoned that being born is like coming out of the cinema in the afternoon having watched a romantic film - all that bright light and everyone crying.Johnny's was a notable birth. He was so ugly the n
- 73 Did you hear about the p.o.r.n film director that wanted to make a movie about bondage, necrophilia and b.e.s.t.i.a.lity?He couldn't get backing for the idea, as people said he was flogging a dead horse.v.i.a.g.r.a.A middle-aged man walks into a supe
- 72 Language How to says, "I Love You"English I Love You Albanian Une Te Dua Arabic Ana Bhibbik Catalan Testimo Molt Chinese Wo Ai Ni Eskimo Nagligivaget Finnish Mina Rakkastan Sinua French Je T'aime German Ich Liebe Dich Greek S'Agapo Haw
- 71 Q: What do lawyers and bullfrogs have in common?A: Both have a big head that consists mostly of mouth.Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a tick?A: A tick with stop sucking your blood when you die.Q: How do you save a drowning lawyer?A: Thr
- 70 Virus alert!Just got this in from a reliable source. It seems that there is a virus out there called the C-Nile Virus that even the most advanced Anti-Virus programs cannot take care of, so be warned. It appears to affect people who were born before 1958!
- 69 The Chinese samurai smiles then opened a tiny box releasing a fly. He draws his sword.Swis.h.!.+ Swis.h.!.+ The fly falls to the floor neatly quartered.The Jewish samurai steps forward releases a fly and draws his sword. SWOOs.h.!.+ The speed of his sword
- 68 9. Never lick a steak knife.10. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.11. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.12. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.13. Yo
- 67 The following morning both couples are at breakfast, and both grooms are smiling as the waiter comes over to take their orders. The first groom says, "I'll have a full English breakfast, and FOUR slices of toast please."The second groom say
- 66 REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.Female definition: A device for changing from one TV channel to another.Male definition: A device for scanning through all 35 channels every 5 minutes.COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n Female definition: A desire to get marri
- 65 A: Because they couldn't find three wise men or a virgin.Q: What's the difference between a Frenchwoman and a werewolf?A: The Frenchwoman is not quite as hairy but the werewolf smells better.Q: How would you describe the death of an HTML program
- 64 King Cole.Old King Cole, you know the one - the merry old soul, issues an order to his cooks."From now on, all chopped cabbage must be mixed with mayonnaise."To this day his decree is still in place known as... Cole's Law.Lizards.A guy walk
- 63 Q: How do you know when the wife about to say something smart?A: The sentence begins with "A man once told me..."Q: How do you fix a woman's watch?A: You don't. There's a clock on the cooker!Q: Why do men pa.s.s gas more than wome
- 62 WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may ma
- 61 "Of course not," replies the mother. "Why would you think that?""O, because a tombstone back there said, 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'"Q: How do you know when a blonde has used your computer?A: There'
- 60 "I have a problem. When I wake up in the morning I have really breath!""Honey," her mother consoles, "Everyone has bad breath in the morning.""My morning breath is so bad, I'm afraid that my fiance will not want to
- 59 s.e.x shop purchase.An Ess.e.x Girl walks into a s.e.x shop and asks for a vibrator.The a.s.sistant says, "Choose anything you like from our range on the wall other there.""Hum" she says, "I'll take the red one.""So
- 58 "Any chance of a pint of ale then?""No!" she says again."Could I at least sleep in your barn?""No!" By this time, she was fairly shouting.The down and out says, "OK Then Might I please...?""What now?&
- 57 The fridge.A woman goes to see a psychiatrist about her husband."Doc, My husband won't come to see you, but he has a real problem.Almost every night he dreams that he's a refrigerator!""Hum", says the doc, "That is not r
- 56 Man with one chopstick go hungry.Modern house without toilet uncanny.Nail on board is not good as screw on bench.Panties not best thing on earth, but next to best thing on earth.Seven days on honeymoon make one hole weak.Squirrel who runs up woman's
- 55 A student is heading home for the holidays.When she gets to the airline counter, she presents her ticket to New York. While she gives the agent her luggage, she says, "I'd like you to send my green suitcase to Hawaii, and my red suitcase to Lond
- 54 Wanting to find out if both his wife and his mistress were being faithful to him, Gary decided to send them on the same cruise and question each one later about the other's behaviour. When his wife returned, he asked her about people on the trip, cas
- 53 Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman...An Englishman an Irishman and a Scotsman are in a pub talking about their sons. The Englishman says "My son was born on St George's Day so we decided to call him George.""That's a coincidence,
- 52 The owner replies, "He's such a liar. He didn't do any of that stuff!"Blondes.Two blondes realize that their apartment is on fire do they go out onto the balcony."Help, help!" yells one of the blondes."Help us, help us!&
- 51 So the guy goes upstairs but can't find the restrooms anywhere. So when he sees a hole in the floor and he decides to c.r.a.p in it.After relieving himself, of a monster dump, he goes back downstairs and notices that there's no one in the bar.&q
- 50 Bakers Job.A baker's job is a piece of cake. Of course if it's a special job he will rise to the occasion. It's the yeast he can do. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.But they stop making donuts when they get tired of the
- 49 Fairy Tales.A little girl asks her father, "Dad, do all fairy tales begin with once upon a time?""Nope" He replies, "Most begin with 'If elected I promise...'"The Winking Problem.A man with a winking problem is appl
- 48 Donkey's b.a.l.l.s.A man and his wife are on vacation in Tibet. While shopping in a small village, the wife asks her husband what time it was, and looking down at his wrist the man realized he had left his watch in the motel room.After a few unsucces
- 47 Q: How do athletes stay cool during a game?A: They stand near the fans!Q: What should a slow runner eat before a race?A: Ketchup Q: What kind of banks do alligators use?A: Riverbanks Q: Why are movie stars cool?A: Because they have so many fans.Q: Where d
- 46 A: Because the captain was standing on the deck!Q: Why did the chicken walk onto the football pitch?A: The referee whistled for a fowl Q: Why do you call your dog Metal-worker?A: Because every time he hears a knock he makes a bolt for the door.Q: Why was
- 45 Q: Did you here about the girl that started dating a postman?A: Apparently she likes to call him her mail friend.Q: What part of a fish weighs the most?A: The scales Q: Why wouldn't they let the b.u.t.terfly into the dance?A: Because it was a mothbal
- 44 PART II.No Bull.Some cattle are standing in a field when a huge gust of wind blows. All the cows fall over, but the bulls remain standing, bracing themselves against the wind.After a moment the cows stand up and go back to their chewing.Pretty soon, an ev
- 43 "h.e.l.lo Mary," said Sean. "Ive got some bad news for you. Theres been a terrible accident down at the brewery and Pat is dead." "Oh no, my poor husband!" sobbed Mary as she collapsed on the ground. "What happened?"
- 42 "I'm afraid not, Joe, that's for the funeral."The two men had just reached the 10th hole when a funeral procession went slowly by. The first man stopped playing, took his hat off and bowed his head."That was very good of you,"
- 41 Two old men were sitting on a park bench commenting on life when one turned to the other and said, "Now here's an interesting thing, when I was in my 20s and got a stiffie, I couldn't bend it at all. Then in my 30s, I could bend it an inch,
- 40 Two old ex-service men were boasting about their past conquests."When I was in the army, I had hundreds of girls, wherever I was stationed. We soldiers were real men.""Rubbish," replied the Admiral. "I bet I slept with far more wo
- 39 "I wish I could fly to the top of that tree, but these days, I just haven't got the energy," he said sadly."I've got an idea," replied the bull. "If you eat part of my droppings you'll get extra energy because they&
- 38 Wise old saying: Girls who use their heads can stop the population explosion.Words of wisdom from a philosopher: "It all comes down to the same thing in the end. Live life like a dog. If you can't eat it or f.u.c.k it, then p.i.s.s on it."O
- 37 "What's wrong?" he asked."I've got nothing to wear to the dance tomorrow night," she sobbed."Oh come on now! You've plenty of clothes," and with that he went over to the wardrobe. "See here, there's t
- 36 Old Joe only had moments to live. At his bedside were his family - his wife and four sons, three of whom had blond hair, the other had ginger."Em, tell me please, I've always wondered why one of our sons had red hair. Is he really my son?"E
- 35 So the girl sits astride dad as well, jumping up and down, pretending dad is a horse. As the parents reach a climax, the little girl shouts excitedly, "Hold on tight, Mum, this is where me and the au pair usually fall off!"Did you hear about the
- 34 "No thanks," he replied, "I'm only after one thing.""Typical male," she said to herself as he walked away.Coming home from work, a man pa.s.sed a s.e.x shop and on impulse went in and bought a blow-up doll. He couldn
- 33 She replied haughtily, "One has been informed that one has to actually handle the so-called member.""Oh Jasmin, was it love at first sight?""No, second. I didn't know he had so much money the first time."Two men are cros
- 32 Three men find themselves sharing a railway carriage to London.Two are brothers, the third is a GI soldier."Heh! You're American, aren't you?" asks one of the brothers."I sure am," he replies. "I'm on leave and I�
- 31 Three blokes landed up at their ski resort a day early and discovered their rooms would not be ready until the following day. The only accommodation available that night was one room with a large king sized bed. The three men decided they could put up wit
- 30 After a moment or so, she asks him why he chose her instead of getting drunk like the rest of them."Well, I've always been told that the only part of the plane which survives a crash is the black box, so I reckoned I'd be in it when the pla
- 29 "Well, that's quite a lot, why don't you get married, that's a much better idea.""I am married.""And is everything fine in bed?""It's great.""Then why do you need to m.a.s.t.u.r.b.a.t.e so m
- 28 "Doctor, help me please, I can hardly walk, my backside's killing me!""Mmm, bend over and we'll see what's wrong," replied the doctor."Aah, I can see the problem, you've got a bunch of flowers stuck up there.&q
- 27 A 20-stone man went to the doctor's complaining of a bad chest. The doctor examined him with his stethoscope and then asked the man to strip off completely."Would you mind getting down on all fours and crawling over to the window for me, please?
- 26 "Everything alright?" she asks."Well, I don't know," he replies. "I bit her on the b.u.m, she farted and flew straight out of the window."The man was out of the door without paying before the wh.o.r.e had a chance to sto
- 25 The barman hands them to him and sadly shakes his head."I suppose this means you've lost one of your brothers, I'm very sorry.""Oh no, not at all," replies the man, "but I've had to give up drinking."The misera
- 24 "No it isn't," commented a sullen looking man sitting next to him. "I married one."Two men chatting over a pint.Bob turns to John and says, "You're looking down in the dumps, what's wrong?""It's the w
- 23 "Why are all the drinks free today?""Oh, it's quite simple really, Sir," replies the barman. "The owner of this pub doesn't know that I know he's upstairs with my wife. So I'm doing to him down here, what he�
- 22 And she hands him a packet of cigarettes.After a few minutes she looks at him closely and says, "Now, would you like to play around?""Oh my goodness," he gasps, absolutely amazed. "I can't believe you have a set of golf clubs
- 21 Every weekend, her husband would be out playing football with his local team and while he was away, Gloria would entertain her lover. However, disaster struck one afternoon when the pitch was so waterlogged that the husband came back early."Quick,&qu
- 20 "Oh, b.l.o.o.d.y h.e.l.l, I think my dog's killed him.""What!" roared the man "What kind of dog have you got?""A peke.""A peke! but how could a small dog like that kill my dog?"said the puzzled man.&q
- 19 Two women are talking over the garden wall and one is complaining about her piles.The other says to her, "I know just the remedy. Stick some tea leaves up there and you'll soon be cured."However, this remedy doesn't work so the woman i
- 18 Two women talking over the garden fence."My husband's an efficiency expert.""What's that then?""Well, I'll put it another way. If a woman did it, they would call it nagging.""Do you know what mothb.a.l.l.s
- 17 The second man was given similar instructions. Handing him a gun they ordered him to go next door and shoot his wife dead."I can't do it," replied the ashen-faced man, "Tomorrow is our 25th anniversary and we've lived a very happy
- 16 A man buys two dogs from the pet shop but after a week he realises he can't keep them apart. They spend all their time humping one another and no matter what he does - throwing cold water over them, putting pepper on their backsides - they carry on r
- 15 "Help me, help me, it's b.l.o.o.d.y agony."Eventually, he makes it into the confessional and all goes quiet. After a few minutes the priest decides he'd better find out if everything is alright so he says, "May I help you my son?&
- 14 It was Sat.u.r.day night and Ted and his two mates were all dressed up ready to paint the town red. But first, as usual, Ted popped into church for confession."Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I slept with a woman who was not my wife.""
- 13 "I'm just keeping your dinner warm," she replied.Coming home from work earlier than planned, the husband found his wife in the kitchen, bending over the oven. She looked so desirable, he immediately dropped his trousers and took her from be
- 12 "OK, Adam, when you wake up in the morning, you won't be alone any longer."So the next day when Adam awoke, Eve was lying next to him.He immediately jumped on top of her but a moment later he asked, "Lord, what's a headache?"
- 11 Two couples got married on the same day and ended up in the same hotel for their honeymoon. One evening, the girls having already gone to bed, the two men had a couple of drinks together in the bar. As time went on the men started to get boastful and Geof
- 10 A female lecturer is telling a group of students how to teach maths to small children."It's always a good idea for them to visualise the question.For instance, if I said there were three cats on a wall and one was shot dead - how many were left?
- 9 Jack went to the psychologist complaining of insomnia."Don't worry," came the reply, "just start at your toes and slowly relax all your body bit by bit and then you'll fall asleep."That night Jack did as he was instructed.Go
- 8 A young man moves into a new neighbourhood, alone and without any friends. He's only been there a couple of days when there's knock on the door."Hi," says the visitor. "I'm Colin, I live just down the hall from you and I thou
- 7 It was Open Day on the farm and visitors were being taken round on guided tours. One group was led by a simple minded youth and in the party was a ventriloquist who thought he'd have some fun. Arriving at the horses, the ventriloquist used his voice
- 6 "I've got to have somewhere to put the sheep's back legs."Steve was a down-to-earth c.o.c.kney lad from the East End docks of London. At this time, he had a problem and he didn't know what to do. He was in love with two girls and
- 5 Over an hour went past and every 10 minutes he would jump back in the car to warm up his hands between her legs. On the seventh occasion she turned to him and said, "It's a shame your ears don't suffer from the cold as well.""Oh m
- 4 A gang of notorious bank robbers stormed through the doors waving their guns and demanding all the customers line up against the wall. While some of his men started putting the money from the safe into bags, the leader shouted to his hostages, "Befor
- 3 "No, but you'll find it'll make things easier for you. That piano player you just killed has two big, mean brothers and when news gets to them about what you did, they'll shove that gun right up your a.r.s.e."Peter was hooked on g
- 2 "Cor! What does that mean?""It means the skin's been cut off the end.""How old were you when they did that?""About two days old.""Did it hurt?""It sure did. I didn't walk for a year."No
- 1 PART I.CHAPTER 1.THE EARLY DAYS.Johnny has always reckoned that being born is like coming out of the cinema in the afternoon having watched a romantic film - all that bright light and everyone crying.Johnny's was a notable birth. He was so ugly the n