Jokes Book Collection Novel Chapters
List of most recent chapters published for the Jokes Book Collection novel. A total of 473 chapters have been translated and the release date of the last chapter is Apr 02, 2024
Latest Release: Chapter 1 : PART I.CHAPTER 1.THE EARLY DAYS.Johnny has always reckoned that being born is like comin
PART I.CHAPTER 1.THE EARLY DAYS.Johnny has always reckoned that being born is like coming out of the cinema in the afternoon having watched a romantic film - all that bright light and everyone crying.Johnny's was a notable birth. He was so ugly the n
- 273 It was Christmas and the judge was in a benevolent mood as he questioned the prisoner."What are you charged with?" he asked."Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant."That's no offense," replied the judg
- 272 A daughter sends a telegram to her father on her clearing B.Ed exams,which the father receives as "Father, your daughter has been successful in BED."A husband, while he is on a business trip to a hill station sends a telegram to his wife "I
- 271 Oscar drove his brand new Mercedes to his favorite sporting goods store. He parked it outside and went in to do a little perusing with Jan, his regular sales woman.Jan was a pretty blonde, and as Oscar walked into the store, she happily greeted him. But h
- 270 TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?Johnny:"HIJKLMNO"!!TEACHER: What are you talking about?Johnny:Yesterday you said it's H to O!TEACHER: Johnny go to the map and find North America.Johnny: Here it is!TEACHER: Correct. Now, cla.
- 269 You need constant stimulation because you get bored quickly. You can handle more than 1 relations.h.i.+p at a time with ease. You can't shut off your mind. You can do 2 things at once. You are very talented.Does your name begin with: Y .You are sensu
- 268 15. You buy and display crockery, which is for special occasions, which never happen.16. You have a vinyl tablecloth on your kitchen table.17. You use grocery bags to hold garbage.18. You keep leftover food in your fridge in as many numbers of bowls as po
- 267 Rules for making INDIAN Movies.1. If the number of heroes is not equal to the number of heroines, the excess heroes/heroines will - die - join the Red Cross and take off to Switzerland before the end of the movie.2. If there are 2 heroes in a movie, they
- 266 A Dozen Indian Software engineers waiting for a free Haircut !!An old man decided his old wife was getting hard of hearing. So he called her doctor to make an appointment to have her hearing checked.The Doctor said he could see her in two weeks, and meanw
- 265 Finis.h.i.+ng the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger co-worker to a foot race down the alley and back to the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one.As they came running up to the truck, they realized the lady fr
- 264 The woman is breathing heavily in antic.i.p.ation as the stranger approaches. He removes his s.h.i.+rt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and extends the arm holding his s.h.i.+rt to the trembling woman, and whispers: "Iron this.&quo
- 263 TRUE FRIEND TEST.friend: calls ur parents by mr. and mrs.BEST friend: calls them by their first name.friend: has never seen u cry.BEST friend: has always had the best shoulder to cry on.friend: never asks for n e thing to eat or drink.BEST friend: opens u
- 262 The store ownerreplied, "Anywhere from $30 to $50."The little boy reached into his pocket and pulled out some change."I have $2.37, can I look at them?" The store owner smiled and whistled. Out of the back of the store camehis dog runn
- 261 A hardworking female executive dies and meets St. Peter at the pearly gates and he says, "You've shown an outstanding apt.i.tude for making business decisions. Choose whether you will go to heaven or to h.e.l.l.""I don't know!&quo
- 260 Our body needs an optimum temperature of 37 degrees Celsius for digestive enzyme functioning. The temperature of cold soft drinks is very much below 37 degrees or even close to 0 degree C. This will dilute the enzymes & stress the digestive system.The foo
- 259 A man goes into a cafe and sits down. A waitress comes to take his order, and he asks her, "What's the special of the day?""Chili," she says, "but the gentleman next to you got the last bowl."The man says he'll just
- 258 The father was crushed.He put his arms around his little girl, and he begged for her forgiveness.An accident took the life of the child only a short time later and it is told that the man kept that gold box by his bed for many years and whenever he was di
- 257 There will always be one rape scene.HERO.The Hero is the person who gets the woman in the end and kills everyone with moles on their faces. The hero shaves, drinks, drives, gesticulates and picks several fights. He normally has a mother who seldom has a l
- 256 The others nod, and the meeting continues. Five minutes later, the discussion is again interrupted when Jerry emits a thunderous fart. He looks up at the others staring at him and says, "Somebody get me a piece of paper... I'm receiving a FAX.Ou
- 255 *CREAM*Compet.i.tive and sportive. Don't like losing and always cheerful!You are trustworthy, and very out going. You choose love carefully, and don't fall in love easily. But once you find the right one, you don't let go for a long long ti
- 254 BEFORE - Idol.AFTER - Idle.BEFORE - I love a woman with curves.AFTER - I never said you were fat.BEFORE - He's completely lost without me.AFTER - Why won't he ever ask for directions?BEFORE - Time stood still.AFTER - This relations.h.i.+p is goi
- 253 "I see the problem. Your arm is broke!"Recently a man in Paris nearly got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre.However, after planning the crime, getting in and out past security, he was captured only 2 blocks away when his Econo
- 252 PART VII.A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin." "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you
- 251 Two employees were caught naked and having s.e.x in the office by the guard.GUARD: Aha! Violating company rules! MAN: What rule? GUARD: Not wearing uniforms.Define Impotence? Nature's way of saying "NO HARD FEELINGS"Why was the 2 piece biki
- 250 When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that G.o.d doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.A philosophy professor stood before his cla.s.s. He had some items on the table in front of him. When the cla.s
- 249 A taxi pa.s.senger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went upon the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window. For a second everything went quiet in the cab,
- 248 There will always be one rape scene HERO.The Hero is the person who gets the woman in the end and kills everyone with moles on their faces. The hero shaves, drinks, drives, gesticulates and picks several fights. He normally has a mother who seldom has a l
- 247 A: Exactly.Q: And like in China, too?A: I told you, China's a good economic compet.i.tor.Cuba, on the other hand, is not.Q: How come Cuba isn't a good economic compet.i.tor?A: Well, you see, back in the early 1960s, our government pa.s.sed some
- 246 5. Keep informative books in the glove compartment You may read them during traffic jams, while awaiting the chief minister's motorcade, or waiting for the rainwaters to recede when overground traffic meets underground drainage.6. Night driving on In
- 245 Engineers.>Subject: Engineers >*************************************************>Comprehending Engineers-First Take >*************************************************>Two engineering students were walking across campus >when one said, &g
- 244 Kaun.Urmila Matondkar stabs Manoj Bajpai in the back but when he slides against the wall, there's no trace of blood at all.Aa Ab Laut Chalen.When Aishwarya Rai storms out of her brother's house, she's just clutching a purse. Yet in the very
- 243 SALESPEOPLE.don't hunt Lions. They spend their time selling the Lions they haven't caught, for delivery two weeks before the season opens. Software salespeople s.h.i.+p the first thing they catch and write up an invoice for a Lion. Hardware sale
- 242 Without censors.h.i.+p, things can get terribly confused in the public mind.General William Westmoreland, during the war in Viet Nam.Daddy's Daughter.Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because y
- 241 36. When dining out, you think Rs 10 is enough of a tip.37. It's embarra.s.sing if your wedding has less than 600 people.38. You list your daughter as "fair and slim" in the matrimonial no matter what she looks like.39. You treat the NRI pe
- 240 TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?SARAH: "HIJKLMNO"!!TEACHER: What are you talking about?SARAH: Yesterday you said it's H to O!TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.GEORGE: Here it is!TEACHER: Correct. Now, cla
- 239 > GIRL2 : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his > mouth.> > > Man : You remind me of the sea.> Woman : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?> Man : NO, because you make me sick.> > Wife : You t
- 238 ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch po
- 237 Idiots 2.IDIOTS IN SERVICE: This week, our phones went dead and I had to contact the telephone repair people. They promised to be out between 8:00 AM & 7:00 PM. When I asked if they could give me a smaller time window, the pleasant gentleman asked, "
- 236 29. Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.30. Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.31. Computer Engineer : One who gets paid for reading such mails......32. Definition of a
- 235 "What the f.u.c.k was that?"- Mayor of Hiros.h.i.+ma "Where the f.u.c.k is all this water coming from?"- Captain of the t.i.tanic "That's not a real f.u.c.king gun."- John Lennon "Who's gonna f.u.c.king find ou
- 234 Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19).You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically chicken. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. You should kill yourself.Very Quotable Quotes.Power corrupts, but absolute power is really neat.--
- 233 s.p.a.ce Shuttles.Hey guys.. This is a real 'Googly' as one would say.So you should read this carefully and understand the depth involved in the subject of science and tech.How They Designed the s.p.a.ce Shuttle The US standard railroad gauge (d
- 232 Harry: Arrow. Teacher: What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of excitement? Harry: Firetruck. The princ.i.p.al breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last t
- 231 Outside a photographer's studio: OUT TO LUNCH: IF NOT BACK BY FIVE, OUT FOR DINNER ALSO.Outside a disco: SMARTS IS THE MOST EXCLUSIVE DISCO IN TOWN. EVERYONE WELCOME.Sign warning of quicksand: QUICKSAND. ANY PERSON Pa.s.sING THIS POINT WILL BE DROWNE
- 230 13) Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.14) When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay, don't panic, they open again!"15) Swat at flies that don't exist.16) Tell people that you can see their au
- 229 Kentucky: 1. By law, anyone who has been drinking is "sober" until he or she "cannot hold onto the ground."2. It is illegal to transport an ice cream cone in your pocket.Louisiana: 1. It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the b
- 228 When you're sending someone styrofoam, what do you pack it in?Why are there Braille signs on drive-up ATM's?If women wear a pair of pants, a pair of gla.s.ses, and a pair of earrings, why don't they wear a pair of bras?How come you never he
- 227 A: The best way to know for sure is to ask Santa Claus next time you see him.Q: Why do we hear so many bells at Christmas time?A: Because so many people ring them.Q: Why do so many people ring bells at Christmas time?A: For the poor, for the joy, and beca
- 226 15) Q: She had three children, right?A: Yes.Q: How many were boys?A: None.Q: Were there girls?16) You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like, but can you describe it?17) Q: You say that the stairs went down to the bas.e.
- 225 10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman asks...Stupid Question:- Oh, so you smoke.Answer:- Gosh, it's a miracle...it was a piece of chalk and now it's in flames!!!Detective Santa.A policeman was interrogating 3 Singh brothers who were t
- 224 SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most. What can we do?SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.SM: It's not working SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started
- 223 Cla.s.sic Excuses.The following are some cla.s.sic written excuses given to teachers in the Alburquerque public school system: "Dear School: Please excuse John from being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.""Please excuse Johnni
- 222 Where there is smoke, there's.........pollution.Happy is the bride who................gets all the presents.A penny saved is......................not much.Two is company, three's...............The musketeers.None are so blind as.................
- 221 He went off on his travel writing itinerary, right across to the east coast and back, telling others of Big Chief Forget-me Not's great memory. (One local noted to him that 'How' was a more appropriate greeting for an Indian chief than &quo
- 220 * Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds.* I pay your salary.* So uh, you on the take or what?* Gee officer, that's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning.* Do you know why you pulled me over? Oka
- 219 9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?" If the bus came would I be standing here, dumba.s.s? Roommate. Michael invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldnt help noticing how beautif
- 218 Inappropriate Language.A group of nuns were traveling in a car when it had a flat tire. They got out and attempted to change it, but being rather unworldly, they had no idea how to go about it. Fortunately, a truck came along and the driver offered to cha
- 217 Dilbert's Words Of Wisdom.1. I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow, isn't looking good either.2. I love deadlines. I especially like the whoos.h.i.+ng sound they make as they go flying by.3. Am I getting smart wit
- 216 9 Best Ways To Propose (With How To Turn Them Down).1. I wish I was one of your tears, so I could be born in your eye, run down your cheek, and die on your lips.Reply : I don't mind where you die.. as long as you do!2. Did you know they changed the a
- 215 When she was diagnosed with the flesh eating disease the doctor gave her 13 years to live.When I yell "Hey, Kool-Aid!" she comes cras.h.i.+ng through the wall.She puts mayonnaise on aspirin.Her a.s.s has its own congressman.Her belt size is &quo
- 214 I used to be happy as your little queen, But now every night you're no where to be seen You come home from work just able to creep, I feel like s.c.r.e.w.i.n.g, but you want to sleep..Each evening, Dear Husband, you crawl into bed, Your intentions ar
- 213 >That's Brand Recognition.> >You see a gorgeous girl at a party.>You go up to her and say, "I'm rich.Marry me">She gives you a nice hard tight slap on your face.>That's Customer Feedback !!!!!!!!Questions & Answe
- 203 The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone by his bed rings."This is your doctor. We've had the results back from your tests and we've found you have an extremely nasty virus, which is extremely contag
- 212 The Doctor said he could see her in two weeks, and meanwhile there's a simple, informal test the husband could do to give the doctor some idea of the dimensions of the problem."Here's what you do. Start about 40 feet away from her, and spea
- 211 PART VI.Toastmaster.A good Irishman, John O'Reilly, met regularly with his toastmasters club. One evening they were hitting the Guinness Stout and having a contest as to who could make the best toast.John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, &quo
- 210 Windows Tamil Edition.Here Are Some Windows Commands In Tamil.Close:Pothiko.New:Pucchu.Old:Palsu.Replace:Itha Thooki Athle Athe Thooki Ithle Podu.Run:Odu Naina.Print:Printadi.Print Preview:Paathu Printadi.Copy:Vetu Kuthu.Paste:Echa Thottu Ottu.Paste speci
- 209 INTERNET Woman : Difficult to access.SERVER Woman : Always busy when you need her.MULTIMEDIA Woman : She makes horrible things look beautiful.CD-ROM Woman : She is always faster and faster.E-MAIL Woman : Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.VIRUS
- 208 Slippery Doork.n.o.b.A market researcher called at a house and his knock was answered by a young woman with three small children running around her.He asked her if she minded replying to his questions and when she agreed, he asked her if she knew his comp
- 207 With that, the owner picks up the midget and shoves his head up the horse's ca.n.a.l then pulls him out.Shaking his head, the midget says, "Perhapth I should rephrase. I'd like to thee her run!"Heights of Stuff.HEIGHT OF COWARDICE:? Tw
- 206 Same Work.A mechanic was removing a cylinder from the motor of a Harley, when he spotted a world-famous heart surgeon in his shop.The heart surgeon was waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike.The mechanic shouted across the garage,
- 205 Little Johnny was sitting in cla.s.s doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question."Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" "None", replied Joh
- 204 The young fellow was about to be married and was asking his grandfather about s.e.x. He asked how often you should have it. His grandfather told him that when you first get married, you want it all the time and maybe do it several times a day. Later on, s
- 202 Designated Driver.One night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the driving under the influence laws. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five di
- 201 He was impressed by the way his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms: "Honey," "My Love," "Darling," "Sweetheart," "Pumpkin," etc. The couple had been married almost 70 years and,
- 200 Scorpio.Now let's try it with our clothes off.....Sagittarius.Don't call me - I'll call you...Capricorn.Do you have a business card?Aquarius.Perhaps I should untie you....Pisces.What did you say your name was?Pirate.A pirate steps into a pu
- 199 The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I'm a PANDA! Look it up!"The manager opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda: "A tree dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white
- 198 Mirror, Mirror.In a fancy Paris restaurant, there is a magical wish-granting mirror. But it only grants wishes if you tell the truth -- if you lie, you disappear. One day, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead enter the restaurant and decide to try out the
- 197 The husband Shoots out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, 'shut up ... you're next!'Bar Boy.A guy walks into a bar, sits down and says to the bartender, "Quick po
- 196 Blood Test.Two children are in a doctor's waiting room, and one of them is crying. "Why are you crying?" asked the other child."I'm here for a blood test, and they're going to cut my finger."When he heard this, the other
- 195 PART V.Linguistic Lapses.In a Bangkok dry-cleaner's shop: Drop your trousers here for best results.Outside a Hong Kong dress shop: Ladies have fits upstairs.In a Copenhagen airline office: We take your bags and send them in all directions.In a Rome l
- 194 "I say, Madge, its bitterly cold. Hadnt you better put something on your chest?" "Dont worry, old thing. Ive powdered it three times." Father: "Well, son, you certainly made a fool of yourself! That girl robbed you of every cent y
- 193 Lady (in box): "Can you look over my shoulders?"Sailor: "I've just been looking over both of them, an' by gosh they are great.""How times have changed!""Yes?""Imagine Rosa Bonheur painting a flock of
- 192 "And would you love me as much if father lost all his money?""Has he?""Why, no.""Of course I would, darling.""Why do you object to children in your apartment house?""As a matter of kindness. People wh
- 191 A FRIEND IN NEED.What true friends.h.i.+p consists in depends on the temperament of the man who has a friend. It is related that at the funeral of Mr. Scroggs, who died extremely poor, the usually cold-blooded Squire Tightfist was much affected."You
- 190 Quoth she to a younger friend: "Kate talks so outrageously. Yesterday she actually told me I was nothing but a hopeless old maid.""That's pretty frank!" exclaimed the friend."Yes; wasn't it unladylike of her?""
- 189 "All right, then, how much does a six-pound sh.e.l.l weigh?""Ah," said the youthful mariner, a great light dawning on him. "Twelve pounds."The two flappers at the Strand seemed barely in their 'teens, yet their conversat
- 188 "It is.""Very well. I have the eyes, you have the beef. Do you think you can sell me a pound or so without asking how I got ornamented?""I'll do my best, sir."The butcher cut off the meat, and received his money without
- 187 PURE CARELESSNESS.It was visiting day at the prison and the uplifters were on deck."My good man," said one kindly lady, "I hope that since you have come here you have had time for meditation and have decided to correct your faults."&qu
- 186 Sandy had been photographed, and as he was looking intently at his "picter" Ian MacPherson came along."What's that ye hev there?" he asked."My photygraph," replied Sandy, showing it proudly. "Whit d'ye think o&
- 185 NO DOUBT."Lend me ten, Tom.""I think not.""You won't?""I won't.""You've no doubt of my character, have you?""I haven't.""Well, why won't you, then?""Becaus
- 184 Sister: "Hubby received an anonymous letter this morning informing him of something I did before we were married."Brother: "Well, the best thing you can do is to confess."Sister: "I know it, but he won't let me read the lette
- 183 "Yes," said Dr. Dubwaite. "He never did anything but stand around and look wise.""I guess you've seen the last of him.""I don't know about that. He may turn up here some day as an efficiency expert.""
- 182 "Ah! Miss Lis...o...b..," he sighed, "in your sweet innocence you do not dream how coldly, cruelly mercenary some men are!""Perhaps I don't," replied the girl calmly."I would not for a moment have such a terrible fa
- 181 Magistrate: "Can't this case be settled out of court?"Mulligan: "Sure, sure; that's what we were trying to do, your honor, when the police interfered."An old darky visited a doctor and received instructions as to what he shou
- 180 Blinks, after inviting his friend, Jinks, who has just returned from abroad, to dinner, is telling him what a fine memory his little son Bobby has."And do you suppose he will remember me?" said Jinks."Remember you? Why, he remembers every f
- 179 NOT RESTRICTED."That gentleman who is being introduced to Miss Binks is a free thinker.""Which is he, a bachelor or a widower?"John: "Yew wait here, Mirandy, while I buy your ticket."Mirandy: "Daon't yew dew it, Joh
- 178 Commander: "Well, look sharp and find the bally thing-we want to get on."Mother: "Did you remember to pray for everybody, dear?"Daughter: "Well, Mummy, I prayed for you, but Jack prayed for Daddy. He's looking after him just
- 177 Flora: "I'm writing to tell Jack that I didn't mean what I said in my last letter."Dora: "What did you say in your last letter?"Flora: "That I didn't mean what I said in the one before."WHY, INDEED.The Husband:
- 176 GOING FURTHER.Flora: "I think that Maud has been awfully mean to you. If I were you I'd get even with her."Dora: "Getting even with her won't satisfy me. I'm going to get uneven with her."GETTING ON.Old Gentleman: "
- 175 QUALIFIED.The Leading Woman: "How does Garrette rank as an actor?"The Comedian: "He doesn't-he is."CLAIMING ACQUAINTANCE.Chimmie: "Dat's McCorker de heavy-weight-me cousin used ter go ter school wid'm."Billie:
- 174 A GOOD PLAN.She: "The Burrowes are having their wooden wedding next week. What can we give them?""We might send them a receipt for some of the money he owes me."ENFRANCHIs.e.m.e.nT OF WOMAN.First Voter: "So Mr. Jones has been elec