Jokes Book Collection Novel Chapters
List of most recent chapters published for the Jokes Book Collection novel. A total of 473 chapters have been translated and the release date of the last chapter is Apr 02, 2024
Latest Release: Chapter 1 : PART I.CHAPTER 1.THE EARLY DAYS.Johnny has always reckoned that being born is like comin
PART I.CHAPTER 1.THE EARLY DAYS.Johnny has always reckoned that being born is like coming out of the cinema in the afternoon having watched a romantic film - all that bright light and everyone crying.Johnny's was a notable birth. He was so ugly the n
- 373 Horsie Ride.Little Johnny is pa.s.sing his parents' bedroom in the middle of the night, in search of a gla.s.s of water.Hearing a log of moaning and thumping, he peeks in and catches his folks in the act.Before dad can even react, Little Johnny exclaims
- 372 Tombstone Curving.Mr. Benton thought he had had the last word when he presented his ex-wife with an unusual gift for her birthday. A tombstone on which he had carved, "Here lies my ex-wife Sonja.....cold as usual."Much to his surprise, however, his wife
- 371 The Genie.A couple was golfing one day on a very, very exclusive golf course, lined with million dollar houses. On the third tee the husband said, Honey, be very careful when you drive the ball don't knock out any windows. It'll cost us a fortune to fix
- 370 "Ok, you've got that too.""My last wish is a million dollars.""Ok, you've got it. But to make your wishes come true you have to have s.e.x all night with me.""Ok then, if that's what it takes."The next morning, the little man wakes the woman up
- 369 Then, a gay man walked up to them and inquired about their actions."We're playing swords!" yelled one of the b.u.ms.The gay man wanted to play too. An hour later, the gay man was becoming exhausted. "I'm tired," he said. He bent over saying, "Oh ju
- 368 The young man had noticed that the older man always seemed to have a jar of peanuts on his desk. The young man loved peanuts.One day while the older man was away from his desk, the young man couldn't resist and went to the old man's jar and ate over hal
- 367 The child went into the next room and gave her dad the message. A few moments later, she returned to her mother and announced, "Daddy said never mind with the typewriter, he already wrote the letter by hand."Arabs not Welcome.Moshe Kohn opens a Kosher r
- 366 Too Much to Drink.A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at 2am, at which time he is extremely drunk. When he enters his house, he doesn't want to wake anyone, so he takes off his shoes and starts tip-
- 365 That night, before her husband gets home from working the late s.h.i.+ft, Edna strips naked, hops onto her big 4-poster bed and struggles for about half an hour trying to get her legs back behind her head.Just as she gets her feet behind her ears, in walk
- 364 Son hit the Lottery.An old guy and his son had a one-mule farm and barely eked out a living. One day the son hit the lottery, winning $50,000. He burned rubber into town, collected his money, and left more rubber all the way back home, where he told his f
- 363 Proper Perspective.Dear Mother and Dad: It has now been three months since I left for college. I have been remiss in writing this and I am very sorry for my thoughtlessness in not having written before. I will bring you up to date now, but before you read
- 362 A family was all together recently, just hanging around. The sister was browsing through an almanac and laughed at a little piece of trivia she had found in the book, which she then read aloud; "Did you know that a woman's b.r.e.a.s.t.s increase in size
- 361 Making Love in the Dark.A woman has been married to her husband for ten years, and for all those ten years her husband insisted on making love in the dark. No matter how much she asked him, he would never turn the lights on.One night she grew tired of thi
- 360 I'm Going.A man came home from work one day to find his wife sitting on the front porch with her bags packed. He asked her where she was going and she replied "I'm going."He questioned her as to why she was going and she told him "I just found out th
- 359 "Well," the black guy replies, "it's all a matter of f.u.c.kin'. When you white guys f.u.c.k, you just stick it in and: Wham! Bam! Thank you ma'am! It's all over before it's even started. When we make love to a woman, we tease her first, and then
- 358 And he said to her "Well, go iron the f.u.c.king thing first!"Emergency Training.Although this married couple enjoyed their luxury fis.h.i.+ng boat together, it was the husband who was behind the wheel operating the boat. He was concerned about what mig
- 357 A man is walking past this house when a used condom comes flying out of the second story window and lands squarely on his head.Rather disgusted and absolutely furious, he goes up to the front door and starts pounding on it.An elderly man opens it and asks
- 356 Been Married 12 Times.A lawyer married a woman who had previously been married 12 times. On their wedding night, they settled into the bridal suite at their hotel and the bride said to her new groom, "Please, promise to be gentle. I'm still a virgin."T
- 355 Amish and the Elevator.An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two s.h.i.+ny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again.The boy asked, "What is this, Father?"Th
- 354 Then the young son asked, "Wait! How do I know that thirty times in a row won't kill you like it did the cow?"Pinnochio.One day, Pinnochio and his girlfriend were in bed doing what wooden girls and wooden boys do. Later, as they were cuddling, Pinnochi
- 353 Two 90 years old.Two 90 year olds had been dating for a while, when the man told the woman, "Well, tonight's the night we have s.e.x!" And so they did.As they are lying in bed afterward, the man thinks to himself, "My G.o.d, if I knew she was a virgin
- 352 One man turned to the other and said, "Joe, was that Irma that just ran past us?" The other one said, "I think so, but what the h.e.l.l was she wearing?"The first one said, "I don't know, but it sure needs ironing!"Old Lady Driver.Sitting on the si
- 351 Foreplay.For their golden anniversary, a couple decides to repeat their honeymoon trip.They drive to the Poconos and find the same romantic lodge is still there. A vibrant young couple, clearly very much in love, is checking in when they arrive.The husban
- 350 Caught in a Wind Storm.A policeman noticed an old lady standing on a street corner during a sudden windstorm.She was bracing herself by holding a light post with one hand, and she was holding her hat snugly against her head with her other hand. Unfortunat
- 349 A 54-year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one Friday evening that reads: Dear Wife, I am 54 and by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and s.e.xy 18-year old secretary.When he arrived at the hotel,
- 348 Use the Word Fascinate.Little Johnny was in school one day and the teacher asked the cla.s.s to use the word fascinate in a sentence.One little girl raised her hand and said, "When I went to the zoo, the elephants fascinated me.""That's good" said th
- 347 "Well I can see that" she said. "but what is so exciting about a period.""d.a.m.ned if I know" said Johnny, "but this morning my sister said she missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted and the man next door shot himself."Study on
- 346 School Trip.A group of third, fourth and fifth graders accompanied by two female teachers went on a field trip to the local race track to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry. During the tour some of the children wanted to go to the
- 345 "The textbooks? The teachers? The curriculum?""No", said the son. "On that first day, when I walked in the front door and saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I KNEW they meant business!New Math.The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying
- 344 Girl with Big t.i.ts.In high school, I dated a girl with big t.i.ts, but there was no pa.s.sion. So I decided I needed a pa.s.sionate girl.In college, I dated a pa.s.sionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency she cried all the ti
- 343 Actor -- A man who tries to be everything but himself.Adult -- A person who has stopped growing at both ends and started growing in the middle.Advice -- The one thing which is "More blessed to give than receive."Average Man -- One who thinks he isn't.B
- 342 A woman enrolled in nursing school is attending an anatomy cla.s.s. The subject of the day is involuntary muscles. The instructor, hoping to perk up the students a bit, asks her if she knows what her a.s.shole does when she has an o.r.g.a.s.m."Sure." sh
- 341 Three Pastors in Heaven.Three pastors and their wives were car-pooling their way back from a revival when suddenly their van blew a tyre and skidded across the cliffside road, and went over the cliff. Sadly, they were all killed.At the Pearly Gates, Peter
- 340 An Irishman's been at a pub all night drinking. The bartender finally says that the bar is closed. So he stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.Once outside h
- 339 Henry Ford & Adam in Heaven.Henry Ford went to Heaven upon his death and was given a warm welcome at the pearly gates. St. Peter, after completing the formalities, asked him how he would like to spend his time. Ford, the great inventor, asked to see some
- 338 Bill Gates in h.e.l.l.Bill Gates dies and goes to h.e.l.l. Satan greets him, "Welcome Mr. Gates, we've been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You've been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you've got me in
- 337 An old cowboy - dressed to kill with cowboy s.h.i.+rt, hat, jeans, spurs and chaps - went to a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat there sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him.After she ordered her drink she turned to the cowboy and asked h
- 336 How Indians are Named.This Indian boy goes to his mother one day with a puzzled look on his face."Say, mom, why is my bigger brother named Mighty Storm?"She told him, "Because he was conceived during a mighty storm."Then he asked, "Why is my sister n
- 335 Tight Lawyer.* The staff at a local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer.The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute and said, "Our research shows that
- 334 He said, "Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you feeling?"Miscommunication.A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"She replied, "About four acres and
- 333 Furious, he orders the FBI to take urine and handwriting samples from every member of the White House staff and to find the culprit immediately.A week later, the FBI director calls. 'Mr. President, I have good news and bad news,' he says. 'The good new
- 332 And that is how the whole misunderstanding occurred.Clinton's Name in Snow.President Clinton wakes up to a beautiful winter morning. The sun is s.h.i.+ning, the air is crisp, and there is a light blanket of snow on the ground. He stretches and goes to lo
- 331 Jerry Falwell was seated next to President Clinton on a recent flight. After the plane was airborne, the flight attendant came around for drink orders.The President asked for a whiskey & soda, which was brought and placed before him. The attendant then as
- 330 The father answers, "That's for married folks, son. You'll need 1 for January, 1 for February..."Two Brothers.There were two brothers, a seven-year-old and a four-year-old, who shared a room.One day, the older brother and the younger brother agreed th
- 329 Stupid Kid.A businessman was talking with his barber, when they both noticed a goofy-looking fellow bouncing down the sidewalk.The barber whispered, "That's Tommy, one of the stupidest kids you'll ever meet. Here, I'll show you.""Hey Tommy! Come her
- 328 New Words.A little boy came home from school one day and told his mother "Mom, today I heard some older kids using some words I don't know the meaning of. Can you tell me what they mean?""Sure" his mother said, "Just tell me what they are."The litt
- 327 "Well, my dad did two tours of Vietnam and killed 19 men... so lick that!" Tommy said."That's nothing!" declared little Johnny. "My dad hasn't wiped his a.s.s in 10 years... so lick that!"Like Father, Like Son.Joey's teacher sent a note home to h
- 326 Homework.Antonio came home from school one day and walked into the kitchen. His grandma asked him, "Antonio, what'd you learn in school today?"Antonio replied, "Well, we learned about p.e.n.i.ses, and v.a.g.i.n.as, and s.e.xual intercourse, and mastur
- 325 Cla.s.s Photograph.The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture."Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer; she's a
- 324 After the father departs, the woman takes her boyfriend out of the closet, and too upset to continue she sends him on his way.The next morning at the breakfast table the little boy pulls out a roll of money and begins counting it. The mother asks "Where
- 323 Two Cannibals.Two cannibals, a father and son, were elected by the tribe to go out and get something to eat. They walked deep into the jungle and waited by a path.Before long, along came this little old man. The son said, "Oh dad, there's one.""No,"
- 322 Her response was that she had read the directions on the paint can and they said, FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.Personal Pizza.One day after work, a blonde walked into a pizza parlor and ordered a small personal pizza.When it was finished, the waiter
- 321 Capital.There was a blonde, a redhead and a brunette. The redhead and the brunette were always making fun of the blonde saying how dumb she was.So, the blonde decided to prove the other two wrong by learning the capitals of every country in the world.The
- 320 Blonde in 1st Cla.s.s.A blonde bombsh.e.l.l walks into the airplane and sits in 1st Cla.s.s and the stewardess asks her for her ticket. The stewardess tells her that she only has a coach ticket.The blonde says, "I'm a cute looking blonde and I'm flying
- 319 A customer walked into a bar and ordered three martinis in a row. "Say, anything wrong?" asked the bartender. "I've had quite a shock", the man confessed, "I just found out my brother's a queer"The next day the same man walked in and ordered three
- 318 "Huey" said the first duck."How's your day been, Huey?""Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day"."Oh. That's nice.", says the Bartender.Then he says to the second duck "Hi. And what's your name?"."Dewey" came the a
- 317 "Is it true you're a prost.i.tute?""Why, sure, big boy. What can I do for you?""Well, I dunno. What do you charge?""I get $100 just for a hand job. We can negotiate from there.""$100!?! For a handjob? Are you nuts?""You see that Ferrari out th
- 316 Poor Guy.Ok, there's this guy on a bar, just looking at his drink He stays like that for half-an-hour. Then, this big trouble-maker truck driver steps next to him, and drinks what he was staring at. The poor man starts crying.The truck driver says, "Com
- 315 So the first guy has another drink and then stumbles home with this guys advice in mind.When he gets home, he takes off all his clothes, climbs into bed and starts "going to town" on his wife. She is loving it! She is moaning and groaning, grabbing his
- 314 First Aid Trained."How come you're late?" asks the bartender as the blonde waitress walks in the door."It was awful," she explains. "I was walking down Elm street and there was this terrible accident. A man was lying in the middle of the street; he
- 313 There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet.After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, "Well, what about you, what sort of co
- 312 PART IX.$64k Question.Bob had finally made it to the last round of the $64,000 Question. The night before the big question, he told the M.C. that he desired a question on American History.The big night had arrived. Bob made his way on stage in front of th
- 311 > He threw it off a cliff.> > What do you call 10 Sardars standing ear to ear?> A wind tunnel.> > What do you see when you look into a Sardar's eyes?> The back of his head.> > What do you call a sardar who drinks only beer?> Just-beer Singh ('T' silent
- 310 Despite the old saying, "Don't take your troubles to bed", many men still sleep with their wives!An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy. He hitched Bud
- 309 And Bush says, "No, you idiot! It's Tony Blair!"bye, sundar.Your Mama Is So Fat: The back of her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs.I had to take a train and two buses just to get on her good side.When she hauls a.s.s she has to make two trips.They had
- 308 Imagine you walked into a small hut by the river in the jungle.You pushed open the door, in front of you were 5 small beds to the right of the hut,and another 5 small chairs surrounding a small round table. In the middle of the table was a round food tray
- 307 > >a rubber is a condom!!!! ??? !!!> >U don't try to find a "lift"... U find an "Elevator".> >U no more ask for a "Route" but for a "RAUT"> >U don't ask somebody "How r u ?", U say "What's up dude?" or U say " How U DOIN"> >U never go to
- 306 The Lord's Prayer is 66 words, the Gettysburg Address is 286 words, there are 1,322 words in the Declaration of Independence, but government regulations on the sale of cabbage total 26,911 words.-- From an article on the growth of federal regulations in
- 305 % ar r G.o.d ar: creating G.o.d % "How would you rate Quayle's incompetence?Unmatched ".% [Where is Jimmy Hoffa?Missing ].% ^How did the s.e.x change operation go?^ Modifier failed.% If I had a ( for every $ the Congress spent, what would I have?Too ma
- 304 SM: It's not working.SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster too.SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way a
- 303 12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him checkbooks.14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you
- 302 Joe walks into a bar. Joe's friend, Al, sits down next to him. Joe tells the bartender, "I'll take a large beer."The bartender says, "Do you want dry beer with no aftertaste, or brewed beer with aftertaste?"Joe thinks about this for a minute. "Ah,
- 301 Stupid Question:- Hey, what are you doing here?Answer:-Dont u know, I sell tickets in black over here..2. In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet...Stupid Question:-Sorry, did that hurt?Answer:-No, not at all, I'm on
- 300 The guard says, "We'll just see about that - get off the bike!"The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains Juan overnight and has the sand a.n.a.lyzed, only to discover that there is
- 299 >If you wanted cycle, ask for scooter; if you wanted a >motorcycle, ask for Maruti. Always ask for something >higher than you need. The young Sardarji who wanted no >dowry, imbibed the lesson. When his father-in-law >asked him what he wanted, the young Sa
- 298 HE:How did you get to be so beautiful?SHE: I must've been given your share!!HE: Is it hot in here or is it just you?SHE:It's hot!!HE: I'd go to the ends of the world for you!SHE: Okay, but would you stay there?HE: Will you come out with me this Sat.u.r
- 297 The hotel has bowling alleys, tennis courts, comfortable beds, and other athletic facilities.Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.Sheer stockings. Designed fo
- 296 9. A farmer has 17 sheep and all but 9 die. How many are left?10. How many times can you subtract the number 5 from 25?11. How could you rearrange the letters in the words "new door" to make one word? Note: There is only one correct answer.12. Even if t
- 295 3. Hiros.h.i.+ma & Nagasaki are very complicated names for kids learning history in India , I think Karachi & Islamabad will be easier for them to remember.4. I know you must be thinking Pakistan will not bomb New Delhi & Bombay. Your guess may be right,
- 294 US Declares, 'Veerappan Is Osama Bin Laden'In what can only be described as bizarre, the US Department of Defense has released information, which describes notorious sandalwood smuggler Veerappan as none other than America's most wanted person, Osama B
- 293 What I Want In A Man, Original List ... (at age 22) 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3. Financially Successful 4. A Caring Listener 5. Witty 6. In Good Shape 7. Dresses with Style 8. Appreciates the Finer Things 9. Full of Thoughtful Surprises 10. An Imaginative,
- 292 MEN ARE LIKE... Newborn babies, they're cute at first, but you get tired of cleaning up their c.r.a.p.MEN ARE LIKE... Laxatives, they irritate the s.h.i.+t out of you.This guy owns a horse stud farm and gets a call from a friend. "I know this midget wit
- 291 Marriage is a three ring circus: -engagement ring.-wedding ring.-SUFFE-RING.When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why.When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why.Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.When a man opens the
- 290 Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.A man was complaining to a friend: "I had it all - money, a beautiful house, a big car, the love of a beautiful woman - and then, BAM!, it was all gone!""What happened?" asked his fr
- 289 What will a mallu reply when asked "Are there any mosquitoes in your house?- Plendy Why did the Malayalee crossed the road?- Simbly.How does a malayalee spell the word 'MOON' ?- M - O yet another O N.Why do they require 5 people for a Malayalee funeral
- 288 Love is a flickering flame.Marriage is a flickering television.Love is 1 drink and 2 straws.Marriage is "Don't you think you've had enough!"It all started when I was 16 years old. While I was playing outside on my farm in California, I met a boy. He w
- 287 * On a string of Chinese made Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only.* On a j.a.panese food processor: Not to be used for the other use.* On Sainsbury's Peanuts: Warning: contains nuts.* On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: ope
- 286 U never have a "residence" tel. no., U have a "home" no.U never have a "office" tel. no., U have a "work" no.U don't stop at the "signals", but halt at the "lights".U don't "accelerate", U "step on the gas".Your tyre never "punctures",
- 285 2) Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just pa.s.ses quietly away and doesn't know anything about it until the next morning?3) Q: What happened then?A: He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you because you c
- 284 Salesman : Forty dollars.Customer : Why, I can buy a pair of shoes with that much money.Salesman : But how would a pair of shoes look around your neck.Jimmy : Mom, can I have two pieces of cake?Mom : Certainly. Take this piece and cut it in two.Woman : Ho
- 283 PART VIII.TEACHER: Why are you late?Johnny: Because of the sign.TEACHER: What sign?Johnny: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."Teacher : "h.e.l.lo boys, Remember !!! Nothing is impossible."Johnny: One of the 20 Students: "Ok Sir, You please ta
- 282 A baby was born who was so advanced, he could talk.He looked around the delivery room and saw the doctor."Are you my doctor?" he asked."Yes, I am," said the doctor.The baby said, "Thank you for taking such good care of me during the birth."He looked
- 281 TRACY :I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.MAN : You remind me of the sea.WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?MAN : NO, because you make me sick.Mary : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly.What do u think,
- 280 Banta Singh agreed and returned disappointed to his followers. They asked him what had happened. He said, "Friends, I think we deserve these jokes, Ghanta Singh asked me a question and I couldnt answer." All others asked him what the question was and th
- 279 What do you do when a Sardar throws a pin at you?Run like h.e.l.l....he's got a hand grenade in his mouth.From: Deepa Santa Singh lived in England and was very popular with the people in his neighborhood. He was a regular at he local pub, and met up with
- 278 From: Chandra Shekhar Four guys, from Harvard, Yale, MIT and the last one: our Santa Singh for Panjab University, were in the final stages of interviewing for a prestigious job. The company decided to fly them all in for dinner and a final interview. Over
- 277 ---********---0 An autopsy professor was giving an introductory lecture to a cla.s.s of students. Standing over a corpse, he addressed the cla.s.s. "There are two things you need to make a career in medical forensics. First, you must have no fear."Havin
- 276 Once a Sardarji went to give an examination, He slowly started removing his s.h.i.+rt, when he was about to do the same with his trousers, the invigilator quickly stopped him & asked "what the h.e.l.l was he trying to do"? The sardarji replied that he w
- 275 At last Banta says, "BAHUT HO GAYA. SAFED WALA GHORA MERA, KALA WALA TERA"From: Chandra Shekhar Santa Singh went to the Doctor and complained that he was aching all over."Where exactly are you hurting?", asked the doctor.Santa Singh replied, "All ove
- 274 Santa Singh: My doctor told me to drink carrot juice after a hot bath to cure my cold.Banta Singh: Does it work?Santa Singh: I don't know... I can never finish drinking the hot bath.Laloo ended up getting drunk at this place called the Golden Cafe in Goa